....and the woman is actually in charge." -Jaimes.
This has become one of my favorite tango "quotes" in the last day or so, after I heard it for the second time yesterday and remembering hearing it several years ago. In Seattle (and maybe other places) so many women are way too passive. Come on, girls, where's the fun?
I've heard that some women here become "floppy noodles" and don't feel like they need to remember anything because, well, if the man leads it well, then I don't have to do anything, right? Wrong. Your dance partners WILL be able to tell if you are or aren't engaged in the dance.
Here are some tips to be more a part of the dance:
1) take charge of your own musicality. If you're going around in a turn, keep your timing and momentum. If you want to embellish, ALWAYS embellish musically. LEARN THE MUSIC!
2) If you did something that wasn't led, do it with conviction. By then you're already past the point of no return. If I did an ocho rather than a weight change, I'll dissociate extra (and push forward with my opposite rib) to signal to my partner that I'M THERE, are you there with me?. Since it's a conversation, chances are, he'll hear you.
3) When you're listening to him and he suggests something, pretend it was your idea to begin with. SAME GOES WITH MEN. If she did an ocho by accident, pretend that that was your intention!
4) Pick a predator. Something slinky. Something with attitude. Panther, snake, tigress...theses are all good choices. BE THE PANTHER! Seriously. I used to practice for at least an hour at a time being a different animal for each song (for both roles). Some animals I tried to become for a song were swan, chipmunk, bunny...and I had my partner guess each one. I even tried non-animals, like roller coasters, river, candle, and so on.
5) This one is a little more technical, but have a little bit of engagement in the core at all times. It helps information travel more efficiently back and forth between you and your partner.
Of course, it will get easier with time and practice when you feel more confident and develop better balance.
Monday, December 12, 2011
Thursday, December 8, 2011
On Being Someone Else
"I want to dance JUST LIKE Priscilla/Kurt/fill-in-the-blank" often comes up. (by the way, if you've never watched tangocynic on youtube, DO IT NOW!) I used to tell my teacher, Christa, (and later heard the same thing) "I'll never dance like you!"
You're right. You'll NEVER dance like me. Nor should you WANT to. Because no matter how good you get, I'll always be the best version of me. Christa will always be the best version of Christa, and her teacher, the best version of her teacher. The best version of me you can be, is the second-best version of me.
But if you choose to be, you can be the best version of yourself.
I used to want to dance just like ____ or ____ or even _____. Fill in the blanks with people you've ever wanted to dance JUST like. I always wanted to dance "just like" a bunch a people (ironic, isn't it, that "just like" someone is different from "just like" someone else?). And then I began to take more classes with more teachers, and I realized that I like this person's embrace and that person's embellishments and another's extensions and yet another's boleos. Piecing everything together, I became..ME. I've since added my "own" ingredients to the pot, like a "signature ending" or boleo taps.
Find your own favorite elements, take their classes, and make them your own. Only you can be your own best you.
You're right. You'll NEVER dance like me. Nor should you WANT to. Because no matter how good you get, I'll always be the best version of me. Christa will always be the best version of Christa, and her teacher, the best version of her teacher. The best version of me you can be, is the second-best version of me.
But if you choose to be, you can be the best version of yourself.
I used to want to dance just like ____ or ____ or even _____. Fill in the blanks with people you've ever wanted to dance JUST like. I always wanted to dance "just like" a bunch a people (ironic, isn't it, that "just like" someone is different from "just like" someone else?). And then I began to take more classes with more teachers, and I realized that I like this person's embrace and that person's embellishments and another's extensions and yet another's boleos. Piecing everything together, I became..ME. I've since added my "own" ingredients to the pot, like a "signature ending" or boleo taps.
Find your own favorite elements, take their classes, and make them your own. Only you can be your own best you.
Yummy Dancing, and Why Seattle isn't Yummy Enough!
A few days ago I was conversing with one of my favorite dancers (let's call him "Mr. Yummy"), who lives out-of-town. "COME TO SEATTLE!" I exclaimed!!
"Well, Kim...I love Seattle, but the dancing just isn't...."
"We have some good dancers here, you'll have a good time!"
"Well, you know, when I lead a boleo, for example, they do a boleo but it's not.."
"--Yummy?"
"Exactly. They do exactly what I ask them to do, they're advanced dancers, but it's not yummy."
And we went into the discussion of yumminess in tango. Yumminess is SO IMPORTANT in tango. It's when you want to go "mmmmm" at the end of the dance, and if you've been dancing tango for a long enough time you'll know what I'm talking about when you find a "yummy" partner.
Here's a list I've put together for how to be yummier:
1. Don't wimp out on the embrace. Hug your partner gently, but not TOO gently. This goes for both roles. Remember, ladies, though, when you intensify your embrace, never to pull down. If anything, have a little bit of LIFT.
2. Never lose connection between the bodies. Smooth out each movement so that you don't bounce on and off. I always like to stress about a 1-2 pound consistent pressure that both partners need to work hard to maintain.
3. Make every second count. If you're taking a step, the step itself is JUST AS IMPORTANT as the "filling in" of the step. FILL every spare second of the step with the step. DON'T just step and wait. You want to feel like you're stepping in slow motion or wading through honey.
Come on, Seattle, GET YUMMY!
---EDIT, 12/30---
Doing a class on 1/5/2012. I have to say, though, that going through my list of people to invite, that there are actually quite a few yummy dancers in Seattle!
"Well, Kim...I love Seattle, but the dancing just isn't...."
"We have some good dancers here, you'll have a good time!"
"Well, you know, when I lead a boleo, for example, they do a boleo but it's not.."
"--Yummy?"
"Exactly. They do exactly what I ask them to do, they're advanced dancers, but it's not yummy."
And we went into the discussion of yumminess in tango. Yumminess is SO IMPORTANT in tango. It's when you want to go "mmmmm" at the end of the dance, and if you've been dancing tango for a long enough time you'll know what I'm talking about when you find a "yummy" partner.
Here's a list I've put together for how to be yummier:
1. Don't wimp out on the embrace. Hug your partner gently, but not TOO gently. This goes for both roles. Remember, ladies, though, when you intensify your embrace, never to pull down. If anything, have a little bit of LIFT.
2. Never lose connection between the bodies. Smooth out each movement so that you don't bounce on and off. I always like to stress about a 1-2 pound consistent pressure that both partners need to work hard to maintain.
3. Make every second count. If you're taking a step, the step itself is JUST AS IMPORTANT as the "filling in" of the step. FILL every spare second of the step with the step. DON'T just step and wait. You want to feel like you're stepping in slow motion or wading through honey.
Come on, Seattle, GET YUMMY!
---EDIT, 12/30---
Doing a class on 1/5/2012. I have to say, though, that going through my list of people to invite, that there are actually quite a few yummy dancers in Seattle!
Wednesday, December 7, 2011
Good Teachers?
To be honest, the reason why I'm keeping up a blog is because I received a comment on a research paper that perhaps I can pursue writing. If this is successful enough, maybe I'll look into writing or something of the sort as a side job. (Question for you guys: why type of writing should I do? Books? Articles? Science? Fictional stories? Or do I just suck at writing altogether and stick to something else?)
Anyway. Onto the next controversial topic:
Q: How can you tell if someone is a good dancer?
A: Watch/dance with them.
Q: How can you tell if someone is a good teacher?
A: Watch/dance with their students.
While we're on that topic, I believe that there are some teachers who are extra-good at teaching beginners (and retaining them), and others that are extra-good at teaching intermediate/advanced students, and making them better. There are definitely a rarer few teachers who can incubate the egg, hatch it, raise the chick, and change them into swans...most chicks will swap teachers for a long time before reaching a certain stage. For teachers who teach higher-level classes, though, they must be very competent in the dance. It may be fine for some teachers to teach very beginning classes if they are pretty good (limiting to weight change, walks, rocks steps, etc...), and good at explaining basic concepts and techniques, but it would be a disaster for them to try to teach advanced concepts if they're messy in the dance themselves. I myself know several really great dancers who started out with teachers great at teaching beginners...and then they moved to other teachers later on.
Take many classes from many teachers on many topics. Then decide who you learned the most from, and come back for more.
--for the nerds--
Psychologists Richard Snow and David Lohman of Standford University and University of Iowa did some research way back in 1984 on learning, instruction, and aptitude. You can find the article yourself, but in summary, low aptitude students benefit a lot from high quality instruction (but benefit only a little with low quality instruction). High aptitude students will do well no matter what, although high quality instruction will push them to do even better than low quality instruction.
So those who are DESTINED to do tango will find tango and become good at some point, although finding a good mentor will make them really amazing rather than just good. Those who need more work--that's when finding a good teacher is really important. By high-aptitude, I mean that these students will put in their own time and effort to review the material, go over it again, study it, and work hard in class--without necessarily having to be pushed. They may be able to correct their own mistakes through imitation rather than being corrected and so on and so forth. In the context of tango, they probably also have some movement background or ab strength....but of course, there are those, who just plain worked hard (and got from really bad (in her own words) to really amazing (in my own words)), like my own mentor, who is now traveling around the country and world teaching tango.
Anyway. Onto the next controversial topic:
Q: How can you tell if someone is a good dancer?
A: Watch/dance with them.
Q: How can you tell if someone is a good teacher?
A: Watch/dance with their students.
While we're on that topic, I believe that there are some teachers who are extra-good at teaching beginners (and retaining them), and others that are extra-good at teaching intermediate/advanced students, and making them better. There are definitely a rarer few teachers who can incubate the egg, hatch it, raise the chick, and change them into swans...most chicks will swap teachers for a long time before reaching a certain stage. For teachers who teach higher-level classes, though, they must be very competent in the dance. It may be fine for some teachers to teach very beginning classes if they are pretty good (limiting to weight change, walks, rocks steps, etc...), and good at explaining basic concepts and techniques, but it would be a disaster for them to try to teach advanced concepts if they're messy in the dance themselves. I myself know several really great dancers who started out with teachers great at teaching beginners...and then they moved to other teachers later on.
Take many classes from many teachers on many topics. Then decide who you learned the most from, and come back for more.
--for the nerds--
Psychologists Richard Snow and David Lohman of Standford University and University of Iowa did some research way back in 1984 on learning, instruction, and aptitude. You can find the article yourself, but in summary, low aptitude students benefit a lot from high quality instruction (but benefit only a little with low quality instruction). High aptitude students will do well no matter what, although high quality instruction will push them to do even better than low quality instruction.
So those who are DESTINED to do tango will find tango and become good at some point, although finding a good mentor will make them really amazing rather than just good. Those who need more work--that's when finding a good teacher is really important. By high-aptitude, I mean that these students will put in their own time and effort to review the material, go over it again, study it, and work hard in class--without necessarily having to be pushed. They may be able to correct their own mistakes through imitation rather than being corrected and so on and so forth. In the context of tango, they probably also have some movement background or ab strength....but of course, there are those, who just plain worked hard (and got from really bad (in her own words) to really amazing (in my own words)), like my own mentor, who is now traveling around the country and world teaching tango.
Tuesday, December 6, 2011
Unattainable Bodies
A month ago, I was teaching when a girl very excitedly came over and said "It's YOU!"
Me: "me?"
Girl: "Yes, you're my favorite dancer to watch of all time! I'm so excited you're teaching today!"
Me (now, somewhat flattered): "Thanks!"
Girl: "I watch you all the time and you're great. Especially since all the tango teachers seem to have those really tall and thin dancer bodies. And you....you're so...." ---she gives me a look up and down--- "attainable!"
I froze.
I didn't really know what to say. I don't really remember what I said after that, probably thanked her again, although my mind was pretty much focused on how short and stubby I was. My dad used to say, "wow, for someone your size, you sure can run fast and far!" And this was one of those times that I wasn't sure I heard the "fast and far" part to it...just the "your size" part.
Since starting tango, my weight really hasn't changed much, but I have, over the years, switched from excessively baggy black clothes, to more fitting black clothes, and now, I'm finally adding some color, and sometimes a slit here and there. Nevertheless, I gave the girl some comments about her dancing (don't remember what I said anymore), and never saw her again.
Until last week. She showed up at my women's technique class, and told me she was there because I changed her dancing. I almost wanted to say "YOU!" But I knew that perhaps she meant that "real people" with "real bodies" could work their way into becoming good dancers, too, and since I drilled "working hard" more than anything else...well, I suppose that's why she came.
EVERYONE has a "real" body. One of my first female teachers is so naturally thin that she said she used to be scared to wear dresses because people would tease her about her "chicken legs." One time she asked me how to get "big beautiful thighs." I gawked at her, told her she was insane, and then explained that everyone wants to have thin thighs--just like hers. She eats more than most men. (And is absolutely gorgeous, if I may add).
But one thing tango has taught me is confidence. I hold my head high and I stand up straight and I FEEL more confident because of the hours of practice into my posture I put in. And I feel much more comfortable in my body than I ever have, all thanks to tango.
But one thing tango has taught me is confidence. I hold my head high and I stand up straight and I FEEL more confident because of the hours of practice into my posture I put in. And I feel much more comfortable in my body than I ever have, all thanks to tango.
Thursday, December 1, 2011
Common Tango Misconceptions
--By "misconceptions," I mean opinions that many people have that I have a counter-opinion to. These are meant to be controversial and hotly debated. Debate away!!--
MISCONCEPTION #1
I'm a woman. I can't ask a man to dance.
To be honest, I am still scared to ask someone I don't know well to dance, for fear of rejection. But over the years I've realized: BIG DEAL. Either they say yes, or they say no and you won't spend the next 2 months thinking "oh, but I could have..." or "if only...".
The dynamic for me certainly has changed, too, now that I ask people to dance (as a leader). It's actually much easier, because it's socially expected of you---or you'll never get to dance!
Also, this is why the mirada/cabeceo was invented!! The cabaceo is a way to "ask" someone to dance through eye contact. Now, more often than not, if there's someone in the room, I can just look them in the eye and if they catch it, I can indicate towards the dance floor. If they see my gaze and look away, they don't want to dance right now, and that's okay. I can often tell if someone's a good dancer or not by how well-practiced their cabaceo is.
MISCONCEPTION #2
If someone said "no" to me, I shouldn't ask them again.
This is mostly true, but if you've been taking classes, working on your dancing, going out a lot, etc...then they WILL notice you, and more likely than not, they'll probably WANT to dance with you. I, for instance, am MUCH more interested in dancing with beginners who have improved a LOT in the last couple of months than intermediate dancers who haven't improved at all in the past 2 years. I am always working on my own dancing, and if there's someone that I turned down a few months ago who is now showing considerable hard work and/or improvement, then I WANT TO DANCE WITH THEM! Also, it's much easier to get a "yes" out of a complete stranger if you ask pleasantly. Never stick out your hand. I always turned down hand-stuck-in-face invitations. You can chat with them, talk about the tango classes you've been taking...the weather...
VERY IMPORTANTLY, if you've ever had a case of bad breath, make a show of taking a breath mint or gum right before asking, and always have good hygiene...there is definitely someone who is a nice dancer that I can't dance with and will avoid at all costs just because of a past toxic experience (fumes blowing toward my head). If he ever popped a mint while asking me, though, I'll gratefully accept. Unfortunately, he has no idea why I won't dance with him. I can't bring myself to tell him!
But before you ask that person again, make sure you've made considerable improvement. This might take several months to a year. It might also help that you wait until the tanda is almost over. Then if they haven't seen your improvement yet, they won't feel like they have "too much to lose"
MISCONCEPTION #3
I don't need to work on technique. Tango is about having a good time and feeling your partner.
Tango IS about having a good time and feeling your partner. And the music. And your body, and the floor, and everyone dancing around you. But technique can GIVE you freedom, because when you have balance and strength, you can pair the balance and strength with CHOICE. When you don't yet have the technique, you can definitely have a great time dancing---but your movements are confined to only the things you're capable of doing. Perhaps you can only turn on single time. Or you need to grab onto your partner for a boleo, and can only do it at a certain speed. Or you have ochos that come in one-size. When you realize, though, that you can widen your range of movements, you'll realize that there are so many more interesting, quirky, musical, and deep nuances in the dance you never before knew existed.
And yes, this is hard work, but it's worth it. I dare you to take a technique class and see if your tango improves. And when you realize that extending your right leg while in a deep side step allowed your foot to catch your partner's foot, you'll understand what I'm talking about when you collect, together.
MISCONCEPTION #4
Musicality is completely subjective. Therefore, classes that focus on musicality are a waste of time.
At some point in my middle school, we had a visiting writer come in to speak to us about writing, and told us that the best way to learn how to write is reading. A LOT. Because all of these books around you will inspire you to write your own books. If you don't have any material to work off of, then you won't have any material to generate. Yes, it's true. Different people have different musicalities. Some people hear the violins more than the pianos, and there are people that I look out for when a certain orchestra comes on. But I feel that just like anything else where creativity is involved, you want to see what's out there, and what you create is even better.
If an instructor offers musicality, seize the opportunity. It's a difficult class for many dancers, but it can change your tango world. And sometimes you need to take it multiple times, or take musicality from multiple people. Sometimes I am almost tempted to name "musicality" as something else, like "eternal secrets of the divine tango," just to get people to come, and then learn musicality. This might be why not very many tango dancers take musicality; the title isn't compelling. People don't think it's important, but being musical is one of the most important things I look for in a tango partner.
Of course, you don't have to take a class, but you have to work hard nevertheless if you want to shorten the time in which you "become musical". Listen to songs on your own, and try to find something new in them you hadn't heard before last time. Try to be able to identify different orchestras. Experiment with dancing on the violin, or find speed contrasts you can play with within the songs.
MISCONCEPTION #5
I have to get better before going out.
NO! You can imagine me trying to pull out my hair at this one. When I first started out, I only took classes once a week for a month or two. When I found out there were events, I went. And nobody knew who I was, so I mostly sat and watched. And I learned a TON.
Then, everyone started noticing that I was out an awful lot, and that I was probably pretty into tango. They began to ask me to dance. And practicing what I learned in class, plus learning on the floor meant that I was improving much, much faster than I previously had been when I was only taking class. Of course, there's the danger of getting addicted, which I did. I spent about an average of 5-6 hours a day taking classes, practicing, youtubing, reading, thinking, dreaming...about tango. But the point is, go out. Meet up with fellow students from your class and practice what you learned at a practica. If you put in more time practicing what you learned in class, then you really got your money's worth.
This brings me to a question that some people might wonder about:
Do I really need to take classes to learn tango?
The answer is: No.
You can learn everything you need to learn on the dance floor. But it might take 10+ years to get where you can potentially get in 1 year. And you probably have to be pretty gifted. I know people who have barely taken any classes, and are quite good, but I am not one of those people. Within 15 months of learning tango, I had taken classes from 100+ tango instructors. And I'm still taking classes.
Here's a couple I'm really into right now. I'm in the audience, somewhere :)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cGhdvBkgLaw
MISCONCEPTION #1
I'm a woman. I can't ask a man to dance.
To be honest, I am still scared to ask someone I don't know well to dance, for fear of rejection. But over the years I've realized: BIG DEAL. Either they say yes, or they say no and you won't spend the next 2 months thinking "oh, but I could have..." or "if only...".
The dynamic for me certainly has changed, too, now that I ask people to dance (as a leader). It's actually much easier, because it's socially expected of you---or you'll never get to dance!
Also, this is why the mirada/cabeceo was invented!! The cabaceo is a way to "ask" someone to dance through eye contact. Now, more often than not, if there's someone in the room, I can just look them in the eye and if they catch it, I can indicate towards the dance floor. If they see my gaze and look away, they don't want to dance right now, and that's okay. I can often tell if someone's a good dancer or not by how well-practiced their cabaceo is.
MISCONCEPTION #2
If someone said "no" to me, I shouldn't ask them again.
This is mostly true, but if you've been taking classes, working on your dancing, going out a lot, etc...then they WILL notice you, and more likely than not, they'll probably WANT to dance with you. I, for instance, am MUCH more interested in dancing with beginners who have improved a LOT in the last couple of months than intermediate dancers who haven't improved at all in the past 2 years. I am always working on my own dancing, and if there's someone that I turned down a few months ago who is now showing considerable hard work and/or improvement, then I WANT TO DANCE WITH THEM! Also, it's much easier to get a "yes" out of a complete stranger if you ask pleasantly. Never stick out your hand. I always turned down hand-stuck-in-face invitations. You can chat with them, talk about the tango classes you've been taking...the weather...
VERY IMPORTANTLY, if you've ever had a case of bad breath, make a show of taking a breath mint or gum right before asking, and always have good hygiene...there is definitely someone who is a nice dancer that I can't dance with and will avoid at all costs just because of a past toxic experience (fumes blowing toward my head). If he ever popped a mint while asking me, though, I'll gratefully accept. Unfortunately, he has no idea why I won't dance with him. I can't bring myself to tell him!
But before you ask that person again, make sure you've made considerable improvement. This might take several months to a year. It might also help that you wait until the tanda is almost over. Then if they haven't seen your improvement yet, they won't feel like they have "too much to lose"
MISCONCEPTION #3
I don't need to work on technique. Tango is about having a good time and feeling your partner.
Tango IS about having a good time and feeling your partner. And the music. And your body, and the floor, and everyone dancing around you. But technique can GIVE you freedom, because when you have balance and strength, you can pair the balance and strength with CHOICE. When you don't yet have the technique, you can definitely have a great time dancing---but your movements are confined to only the things you're capable of doing. Perhaps you can only turn on single time. Or you need to grab onto your partner for a boleo, and can only do it at a certain speed. Or you have ochos that come in one-size. When you realize, though, that you can widen your range of movements, you'll realize that there are so many more interesting, quirky, musical, and deep nuances in the dance you never before knew existed.
And yes, this is hard work, but it's worth it. I dare you to take a technique class and see if your tango improves. And when you realize that extending your right leg while in a deep side step allowed your foot to catch your partner's foot, you'll understand what I'm talking about when you collect, together.
MISCONCEPTION #4
Musicality is completely subjective. Therefore, classes that focus on musicality are a waste of time.
At some point in my middle school, we had a visiting writer come in to speak to us about writing, and told us that the best way to learn how to write is reading. A LOT. Because all of these books around you will inspire you to write your own books. If you don't have any material to work off of, then you won't have any material to generate. Yes, it's true. Different people have different musicalities. Some people hear the violins more than the pianos, and there are people that I look out for when a certain orchestra comes on. But I feel that just like anything else where creativity is involved, you want to see what's out there, and what you create is even better.
If an instructor offers musicality, seize the opportunity. It's a difficult class for many dancers, but it can change your tango world. And sometimes you need to take it multiple times, or take musicality from multiple people. Sometimes I am almost tempted to name "musicality" as something else, like "eternal secrets of the divine tango," just to get people to come, and then learn musicality. This might be why not very many tango dancers take musicality; the title isn't compelling. People don't think it's important, but being musical is one of the most important things I look for in a tango partner.
Of course, you don't have to take a class, but you have to work hard nevertheless if you want to shorten the time in which you "become musical". Listen to songs on your own, and try to find something new in them you hadn't heard before last time. Try to be able to identify different orchestras. Experiment with dancing on the violin, or find speed contrasts you can play with within the songs.
MISCONCEPTION #5
I have to get better before going out.
NO! You can imagine me trying to pull out my hair at this one. When I first started out, I only took classes once a week for a month or two. When I found out there were events, I went. And nobody knew who I was, so I mostly sat and watched. And I learned a TON.
Then, everyone started noticing that I was out an awful lot, and that I was probably pretty into tango. They began to ask me to dance. And practicing what I learned in class, plus learning on the floor meant that I was improving much, much faster than I previously had been when I was only taking class. Of course, there's the danger of getting addicted, which I did. I spent about an average of 5-6 hours a day taking classes, practicing, youtubing, reading, thinking, dreaming...about tango. But the point is, go out. Meet up with fellow students from your class and practice what you learned at a practica. If you put in more time practicing what you learned in class, then you really got your money's worth.
This brings me to a question that some people might wonder about:
Do I really need to take classes to learn tango?
The answer is: No.
You can learn everything you need to learn on the dance floor. But it might take 10+ years to get where you can potentially get in 1 year. And you probably have to be pretty gifted. I know people who have barely taken any classes, and are quite good, but I am not one of those people. Within 15 months of learning tango, I had taken classes from 100+ tango instructors. And I'm still taking classes.
Here's a couple I'm really into right now. I'm in the audience, somewhere :)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cGhdvBkgLaw
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