Relationships and Tango

*Note: I started writing this post in January of 2012, and never got more than 2 lines until October 20th, 2013.**

Tango people are some of the smartest, kindest, and most interesting people I know.

So it becomes difficult to avoid falling for someone you love dancing with. Or even someone you don't dance much with, but see every other day for hours at a time.

When I started tango I was 18 years old. It's been exactly five years now, and my thoughts and opinions about the dance and people are constantly changing, growing, shrinking, and flipping out.

Tango romances are happening all over the world. But although love can be beautiful, romance within a tango community can be messy--very messy. I'm not talking about anyone in particular (or even about people that I know personally), but I've seen dozens of couples with the most extreme cases of tango drama; couples teaching together and breaking up. Couples who sacrifice love for art. Couples who sacrifice art for love. People who date their past lovers' friends. People who date their current lovers' friends. Friends who become enemies. You name it---it's there.

I took a private lesson from a very famous traveling couple once. They had been together romantically for years, and made such beautiful art! During the private, I asked them. "Do you fight??" To which the woman replied, "YES, all the time! But we need to take it off the floor; take a coffee break."

I asked another seemingly successful professional tango couple. The woman told me that anything that happens in tango, they can let go when they leave the floor. Tango is separate from their lives. But she had seen so much drama from other couples because they couldn't keep it separate.

Some of my friends are sad when their significant others don't want to dance with them, but want to dance with others. A decline in dance connection is another issue that arises often in tango relationships. "Why can't you dance with me like you dance with so-and-so?" seems to be the most common complaint.

A few dancers fall in love on the dance floor. For some it's just a 10-minute spinning affair. For others...they try out their connections off the floor, but in most of the cases I've seen, they fail. Juggling a relationship in tango is often like having two relationships.

And then there are those people who fall in love within tango, and then tango no longer becomes the center of their lives. Their partners are more important, and tango is "just a dance." These people are usually very happy in their relationships.

Exactly a year ago, I was jolted by something that whacked me so hard over the head that I had the wind knocked out of my gut. Tango doesn't need to be the center of my life. Other things can be more important. Friendship. Health. Family. Love. Even career. I'd neglected those things for years when my brain was screaming to be fed more tango. When tango took over my life, I had no time or care for anything or anyone else. I was proud, too, at the time, that tango was the center of my life. I look back now and there's nothing to be proud about. I was obsessed. Addicted. It was unhealthy.

There are people that are living happy, fulfilling lives.
With tango.
And without tango.