The Importance of Culture (and Touch)

I've noticed that people who tend to have a good connection are people who have grown up with touch. They touch, and they like to be touched. They are comfortable with touch, and have little qualms hugging/kissing many different people.

I grew up in Taiwan. My family is not "touchy." I did not greet my parents every day with a hug and a kiss; perhaps only if I hadn't seen them for months. When we talked to each other, we didn't maintain contact (hands on elbows, shoulders, etc...). And with some girlfriends, I would hug, but it would only be a greeting for closer friends, and I hugged with my arms more than my body.

Thus, I was uncomfortable with touch, especially touching strangers. The first time one of my first tango instructors danced with me, she said, "do you do ballroom?" I shook my head. "Then why is your head doing that?" I had my entire back stiffened, and since I was learning tango on the body, I pulled back with my head as far as I possibly could. I was clearly uncomfortable. I turned away from my partner because I didn't want my bubble violated. And I had a huge ass bubble.

It took many, many hours of practice before I was comfortable with certain people, and many more hours before I became comfortable dancing with strangers, too. Thus I think a "yummy" embrace comes at least a little from something learned---the comfort level of touching and being touched and being close to someone. Many cultures, like Argentine or other latino cultures, are very touchy feely. They often can get over this first hump without a problem at all. Others learn to be comfortable because of their friend circles, or even dating experiences.

Many North Americans are very yummy. But many still feel very uncomfortable. In my travels, I've found that the level of dancing in, say, Barcelona, is nowhere near as high as Seattle, but the people are much more cuddly. It makes up for a lot. And Taiwan...Taiwan is difficult. Those who have been dancing for many years have developed a higher comfort level, but VERY FEW beginners had very comfortable embraces (whereas you can find really nice, comfy embraces with SOME beginners in America). At least for the men, many who'd studied outside of Taiwan were able to become quite cuddly. Men and women don't seem to be as physically friendly with each other in Taiwan as in North America and Europe! (Even with non-tango friends, I usually greet my American friends with giant bear hugs. In Europe, they kiss). Luckily, looking at the more seasoned dancers in Asia, this comfort level can be achieved. But it can take some getting used to.

Most of the "yummiest" people I dance with probably had that comfort level up there before they started tango, but those who aren't as cuddly can still learn. Try to envelop someone with your body when you hug them, and hold for a few extra seconds (do this even outside of a dance setting!). Tango is similar to a prolonged hug, so you'd better start getting used to the hugging. Otherwise you could feel like a rock. Some rocks are really technical and even musical, but they feel hard and not very cuddly. Some people might like cuddling rocks, but I like cuddling cuddlers :).